February is all about sharing love. While not everyone likes the “Hallmark holiday”, Valentine’s Day does remind us that attending to the relationships in our lives is important.
Research shows that kids thrive when they are in connection with the adults in their lives. The National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health reported that teens who reported feeling connected to a parent (and/or school staff) had less emotional distress, engaged less frequently in risky and violent behavior, and noted better mental health.
Experts in the field of child development note how critically important connected relationships and positive experiences are for the development of a child. In fact, connection is the foundation of parenting.
Unfortunately, life is busy and hard and so sometimes we forget to attend to that connection. We know we love our children, and our children know we love them, and that can make it easy for us to take that connection for granted, to assume that it is there and doing just fine. But relationships take work, and that includes the relationships with our children. If we really want to have a healthy connection with our children, then we need to put in some time and effort to tend to it.
Luckily, maintaining the connected relationship with our children doesn’t need grand gestures or hours upon hours of time. Instead, connection is built on the small everyday moments that happen all the time.
Connection is attended to when you:
- Engage in imaginative play with your child.
- Hug, kiss, or snuggle your child.
- Read with your child.
- Truly listen to what your child is saying (without distractions like a phone, tv, or household tasks.)
- Play games or do puzzles with your child.
- Engage in activities with your child like a science experiment, a sport, video games, dance parties, etc.
- Talk to your child in an empathetic and caring manner.
- Watch a TV show or movie together (with you paying attention to it alongside them.)
- Cook or bake with your child.
- Be in nature together, like going for a walk, bike ride, climbing trees, smelling flowers, playing in water, etc.
This is just a small list of ways that we can attend to the connection with our child. Essentially, your child needs to have moments throughout the day where they know that they are the focus of your attention, and that attention is nurturing. When our words and actions demonstrate to them that they are important, that we care, and that they matter, it enhances the connection in our parent-child relationship.
