Just the facts, ma’am. Just the facts: Cilantro is nasty. Winter is exciting. Snow skiing is miserable. Home is a happy place.
Did any of these statements grab your attention? Do you agree or disagree with any of them? Do you not have an opinion? Could you care less? What could they possibly represent or have in common?
Each of these sentences is absolute: no gray area and pretty emphatic. They are all statements of how I personally feel on these simple subjects based on MY experiences, senses, history, abilities, etc.
From an early age, I wondered what that horrible taste was when eating chips and fresh salsa at our family’s favorite Mexican restaurant. Years later, while in my 20’s, I attended a get-together with friends, and we each brought an appetizer to share. While tasting one of the dishes, I tried to hold back my disdain but asked what the unusual flavor was; the answer was cilantro. Unfortunately, my non-verbals must have been revealing because the host called me out in front of everyone: “How can you NOT like cilantro? Who ARE you?” My response was simple: I just don’t like it.
It was years before I learned that a specific gene makeup plays a role in one’s love or hate for cilantro. Here’s a fact of the day: per the Cleveland Clinic, a specific gene called OR6A2 makes some people supersensitive to a component in this herb giving it a soap-like or unpleasant taste. Who knew?
But does the science really matter? As a unique individual, I can choose to like, dislike, love, hate, or be nonplussed about anything. Based on my tastes, senses, experiences – the decision is mine! But how often do we criticize others or pass judgments based on our own experiences and feelings?
Stay with me because this is going somewhere, I promise.
Pay close attention, and you will witness how many times assumptions are made in conversations, statements, driving, education, business, recollection of events … you name it! We are all guilty of it.
As moms, what assumptions do we make with our kids regardless of their age?
- Quit being lazy and clean your room!
- You are purposely tuning me out when I’m talking to you!
- Stop being a big baby and just put on that sweater.
- You don’t care what you look like – you never brush your hair.
- “You’d rather stay inside and play video games all day instead of going to the pool!”
- There’s something wrong if you aren’t out there enjoying sledding with all your friends.
Is it possible we are making statements based on assumptions? Maybe the child is overwhelmed and doesn’t know where to start when it comes to cleaning their room. Maybe they are hyper-focused and truly don’t hear what’s going on around them. Maybe the fabric of the sweater makes their skin crawl. Maybe the pool brings out anxieties that you, as a parent, don’t know about. And maybe they just flat out hate being outside and cold while sledding.
We don’t do this just with our kids. We target others as well! Instead of assuming that a person is strange, maybe consider they could be on the autism spectrum and haven’t learned social skills. Don’t assume that a person is hateful when in reality they may be struggling with something way outside of anything we could fathom.
Consider that others may have different tastes than you with food, clothing, hobbies. Or differences exist in their culture and upbringing. And if someone doesn’t want to go home, maybe they don’t have a happy (or safe) home to go to like we may have.
Take notice of how many times a day assumptions are made. Often we don’t have the facts or all of the information. Start with those in your household. How many misunderstandings can be avoided if we seek to understand the other person AND only deal in facts.
The fact is that people are all different, and that’s not a bad thing.
Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’m going to order some salsa with no cilantro, check the almanac hoping for lots of snow this winter, go on that ski vacation to enjoy drinking hot chocolate by the fireplace while everyone else skis, AND then look forward to going home to enjoy my happy place.
